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In honor of all you weekend warriors out there, we Unlike other Carnival festivals, where images of Rihanna bejeweled in feather goddess like bra outfits flood Instagram during Valentine’s Day, Martinique’s traditional celebrations are a bit different.

This year I clocked out of the anxiety of Valentine’s Day, trading hearts for sweeter red devils on the island of Martinique.

t was – I assumed when I first arrived in LA – my running gear, or lack of it.

Women don’t run in their husbands’ old Gap T-shirts in Beverly Hills.

But when the one implant ruptured, the decision to remove and not replace was easy. She’s calm and practical and looks sad when I tell her I never liked the boobs.

She will take out the implants and put in drains — which is as gross as it sounds. Annually, nearly 400,000 women in the United States get implants.

I will spend days on good drugs and limit my activity during recovery. “Is there a tribe of us who have to get their old self’s implants removed? That number includes the nearly 100,000 who get them for reconstructive surgery after cancer, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

And then I will give away all the pretty dresses that no longer fit my chest. Many implants rupture and must be removed or replaced. And, of course, full, luscious artificial breasts don’t age with the rest of the body.

Both were summer babies, and I’d had full, luscious, porn-worthy boobs while nursing.

It was a hit of pride that cut through the postpartum blues, like a burst of lime in a glass of tap water. Later, after my biological clock not only stopped ticking but was surgically removed via hysterectomy, I began to experience the sense of being invisible to the opposite sex. There was no perimenopause for me — just full-on cold-turkey estrogen withdrawal.

Many people considered me the least likely person to get breast augmentation.

My husband has always been more interested in fit, fun, and cheerful women than bombshells.

So if you must make a choice, make a choice that can eventually be undone.

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