Dating my wifes best friend

Set aside time for each of them and honor it — don't drag your lover along on girls' night out (not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are 4. Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend.

Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday.

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No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird.

Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.

Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.

They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.

They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.

What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.

Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.

Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.

Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.

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