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Occasionally he awakes in terror that he’s back in prison, where guards allowed other inmates into his cell to beat him while he slept.

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I wrote off a girl (well have tried to anyway with great difficulty) I felt strongly for about a year ago due to the fact that although she expressed strong interested in me, she moved onto another guy due to me moving too slow, being aloof etc.

Once, he was ambushed by two men who hit him in the head with a two-by-four, busting his eardrum and temporarily blinding him.

Where kitchen workers put a razor blade in his coffee cup.

He brushes his teeth, the front ones prosthetic, and straightens to his full five foot eleven inches. He puts on a pot of coffee, turns on the computer, reads the news. His wife, Ticey, and their four-year-old, Anthony, won’t rise for a couple of hours.

He’s a brawny 185 pounds, with thick muscles that run along his shoulders and down his calves. He kisses them both goodbye, then walks outside, into the glare of bright floodlights in the yard.

He gazes at the tattoos covering his broad chest and upper arms, a swirling mural of demons, skulls, and angry faces. The family lives in a double-wide trailer on a dead-end street just outside tiny Ferris, about twenty miles southeast of Dallas. To his left, toward the end of the cul-de-sac, there’s a yard piled with tires, cinder blocks, rusted bikes, and crumpled blue tarps, guarded by a tied-up dog.

They are a reminder of the evil inside him, a violence that’s always waiting to be loosed. He stares into his eyes, which are inviting, almost kind. It’s far from any school playground, any park, any restaurant that might serve chicken fingers or ice cream. Across the road sits a trailer occupied by a dozen immigrants, he doesn’t know from where.

I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.

Then, inevitably, the girl starts to get upset, frustrated, confused, etc. My point here: My goal is to maintain the stage before exclusivity and relationship happens. I’m clear on this and it’s practical for where I am in my life right now.

What I mean is that I like them right where they are…

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