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] A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. : We have front row seats for this theatre of mass destruction. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway. A place where naughty singles, saucy couples, voluptuous vixens and horny nympho girls come to find and fuck people in their local area.

Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help. It used to be that when I came home angry and depressed I'd just clean my condo, polish my Scandinavian furniture. I should have been haggling with my insurance company.

You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, and in all probability, he HATES you. : Most of the week we were Ozzie and Harriet, but every Saturday night we were finding something out: we were finding out more and more that we were not alone.

I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time.

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You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. : In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins.

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. I don't even have to come into the office, I can do this job from home.

I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. ] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. In two minutes primary charges will blow base charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble.

] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear.

: Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you.

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